Existential Crisis at Work
Posted by
neal in
GOD, acceptance, alcohol, beliefs, gospel, love, musings, rant on
Oct 3rd, 2009 |
one response
I’m going through an existential crisis. It ultimately feels like it’s going to be a good thing, but it’s not all that fun right now.
The Wikipedia entry about what an existential is crisis sums it up well:
Existential crisis, derived from existentialism, is a stage of development at which an individual questions the very foundations of their life: whether their life has any meaning, purpose or value; whether their parents, teachers, and loved ones truly act in their best interest; whether the values they have been taught have any merit; and whether their religious upbringing may or may not be founded in reality.
For me it starts with the question, “What is my life going to be about?” and I guess I started asking the question when all my gospel music heros started dying. It really feels like I spent much of the last couple years in mourning. It’s been too much, but I don’t know how I could have not gone through the mourning. After Michael Jackson died, I started to finally understand what I was experiencing.
After I understood what was going on internally, I started dealing with it and coming out of crisis mode. Well, last week a dear friend’s mother passed away and the funeral was yesterday. Loosing people is my trigger. I turned on the gospel music and went to the dark place where I feel isolated and uncertain about the meaning of life.
Right now I’m bouncing around in a state of cognitive dissonance where what I think and believe doesn’t fit into any of the political, religious or social systems I know about yet. It’s a process of discovery and hope, but comes with a bit of fear since I can’t know how the story will end.
The best part about the journey is that my wife loves me and inspires me with an infinite sense of optimism that it’s all going to be okay.
One Response to “Existential Crisis at Work”
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Your mother loves you, too, and I’m so glad you and Luria have such a wonderful relationship. Miss you