We Live in Public
Jason Calacanis tweeted about a documentary called, We Live in Public. The title sounded relevant to my life, so I looked it up on Netflix and watched it today … gotta love the Netflix iPad App. It wasn’t exactly a pleasant film to watch, but there are lessons anyone participating in social media can learn from it.
The film is about Josh Harris. Harris made a lot of money in the early .com days. He had a vision for Internet TV back when most of us were still on dial-up. He started a company called Pseudo.com and when his personality made investors uncomfortable, he moved on to invent lifecasting. He and his girlfriend lived in a loft with cameras and microphones everywhere until the experiment cost them his money, their relationship, and maybe some sanity.
For about a year before we launched GeekBrief.TV, I studied attention economics in an effort to understand how to share information people can get from a wide variety of sources in a way that is special enough that they would want to get it from us. As a shy, retreating, bookish couple, we had to stretch outside our comfort zone in order to accomplish our goal. It helped immensely that Luria has that special something when she’s on camera. Stretching beyond what felt comfortable enabled us to accomplish what I thought we could.
Tools of social media give us all access to the world any time we want it. It’s then up to us to choose how much we live in public. As Luria and I walk through the pain of ending our marriage, it feels improper to talk about the personal stuff and disingenuous to say nothing at all. Our goal is to make it through this gracefully. I’m inclined to share my personal pain because it has helped me to read other people’s stories. Anytime I do that though, I have to do it in a way that is respectful of Luria’s desire for privacy. It’s tricky so my default is now set to Not Share.
Everything we’re going through is new. I’m sure we’ll both make mistakes. I’m more sure I’ll make more mistakes than she will. I’m not convinced it was the right thing to announce this on our blogs. I just don’t know, but one thing she and I both believe is that the geek world is better than the cool world because geeks are concerned about perfecting our tech while accepting one another just as we are. Beyond that, living in public is a tricky proposition, so if you choose to do it, it’s probably best to proceed with caution.
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It always sounded like an interesting documentary, and now, after your description, I’m convinced – I must see it.
Privacy in this day and age definitely looks much different than it did ten years ago, but there’s always been reverse phone lookups, and public record databases maintained by the government. Thus far, I’ve evaded being listed in many services, simply because I carry my iPhone, subscribe to an internet package, and that’s all. No landline home phone, no television. (That also keeps the telemarketers away, as an added bonus.)
So, with those decisions, I’ve been able to release information about myself to the parties that I choose. Twitter, the blog, and facebook are all places that I do that, and while the companies online now know much about me, I’m still somewhat out of the public eye.
What am I driving at? Well, even though information on a certain individual is still readily available for the most part, we can still choose to live in public or private. Digital systems have seen (and caused) some unprecedented breaches of privacy, but they’ve also given us very serious control as well.
Oh, the multitude of thoughts I could post on this topic.
Neal, I appreciate your, and Laura’s position, and would argue your public position could help others. I have been twice divorced, both were amicable, and I can still talk to both. When most people hear about good friends getting a divorce, the story is how bad can they be to each other. You two are following a much more respectable path. I think both of your stories could be of great help to, and a great example for other struggling, divorcing, caring couples.
I was surprised at how painful my first divorce was, even though we were both ready for, and wanted it. I hope you and Laura will help others realize that divorce is not like going back to being single again. You can show how the pain nag anger don’t have to be vented at each other.
My thoughts and prayers, are with both you.
Jack
I’m going to watch that documentary. Good pick.
On another note, I’m sure you already are, but in the off chance you aren’t, you should be keeping a journal of your feelings. Writing them down is an excellent way to divest yourself of the pain, as well as record this event. One day you will want to look back on it, and if the day does come where you want to write about to help other men in your position, your journal will have accurate information and you won’t be forced to rely on sometimes faulty memory only.
Good luck and God bless!