The Distillation Process
Right after we started GeekBrief.TV, we shot some video at a small boutique distillery just north of Chicago where a husband and wife made vodka and gin. The process was fascinating. We never used the footage because it seemed too far off topic for The Brief, but I often think about what I learned that day.
The distiller explained the process of turning water into a spirit. All kinds of ingredients are mixed into the water to add flavor (when it’s gin) and to innitiate fermentation. Through heat, purity is separated from impurity and alcohol is produced. Distillation is also used to purify crude oil and water.
I like distillation as a metaphor for personal growth in the midst of a trial. I’m going through the single most awful thing I’ve ever 
experienced in my life, but pain isn’t without gain. I’ve grown as a person though out this process in a ways I never would have with only good things happening to me. Romans 5:3-4 says, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character…”
My life, in just about every way I can think of is at a crossroads. I have dreams and goals to create something bigger and better than what we accomplished with GeekBrief.TV. I’ll need to find good people to work with, but first I need to take some time to go through this personal distillation process where everything that isn’t loving and caring in my life gets burned away. Another part of the personal distillation process has been to work toward the core reason I failed as a husband. That process has involved counseling, group therapy and study.
Pain in life gives us an opportunity and maybe even the responsibility to grow. It’s my mission to walk through this process and have people, even people who may not like me, say “Neal is a better person than he used to be.” The pastor at my church says when we are children, life is all about what we can get, “Give me, give me, give me.” With maturity, we stop just asking “What can I get?” and start asking “What can I give?” That second question is the one I want to spend the rest of my life answering.
I hope my story also reminds people to take care of their marriages. If it’s not working, get to work on it! Go to counseling. Go to church. Talk about it. Date your spouse. Look into each other’s eyes like you used too when you were falling in love. Don’t let your marriage die without working hard to heal it. Even though the growth that comes from the pain is good, you can always choose to grow when things aren’t so bad.
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The painful things in our lives are the hardest to understand. The break up with your significant other is the absolute hardest.
Your are correct to reflect, distill, and figure out what happened. To grow as a human requires such.
Good luck man. Peace and prayers to you.
Oh man!, I have suffer what you are experiencing now and reading this makes me remember mine time and Im with you man, Too bad to start the learning part after you fail (we all do it that fashion), Since Luria announce this divorce I was curios to now how a so nice couple can fall apart. This is to all to notice even the best couples can have problems. I also realize that working togather most be very hard but beleave me that can help to have a good process and end as friends that care mouch about eachother instead hatting each other, and I also know we are the ones that hate ourselves for fail but that anger can by channelized into strength to grow as a better person.
My best wishes in this really hard time to you and Luria.
From a fan of the brief and you both for more than 4 years,
Ale.
Neal,
May God’s blessing be with you.
Steven
Neal,
2 versus that have really helped me as I’ve gone through my own changes are:
Matthew 4:17 “From that time Jesus began to preach, saying, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.”
and
4:19 “And he said to them, “Follow me, and I will make you(AJ) fishers of men.”
Transformation can be painful but you forgive yourself for your past as God already has and you follow Him then you will transform just as the disciples did.
It sounds like you are trusting in God, He has put good people around you and seem to be on a good path.
You and Luria are both in my prayers.
Best,
ChiliMac
It always seems like the most important lessons use pain as a teaching aid. You’re headed in the right direction brother. Know you’re not alone in your pain. I’m going through a similar internal battle and have been following your past few days for some semblance of “group therapy”. Perhaps I’ll try a similar distillation process.
The uncertainty in this world demonstrates that things could be better but could also most certainly worse. Getting through it all starts with having an anchor. (Psalm 46.1) A constant. To orient oneself, one must have a starting point. What better place than oneself. Best wishes and prayers, friend.