Thinking Out-loud about a LONG Trip
I wrote a blog post February 2nd called “Life is a Forward Moving Force.” It’s about a river adventure that was out of character for me. As a student of Milton Erickson I believe we have the power to change what we don’t like about ourselves. In his therapeutic practice, Erickson brought about big changes in personality by suggesting small changes in behavior.
The part of who I am that I want and need to change the most is my need to be comfortable. Being comfortable in every way possible has been my number one priority in every situation since I was a kid. That need for comfort results in other things I’d like to change.
The very last thing that seems natural for me to do, is sell everything that isn’t essential and go live in a different country for a year. I’m thinking that is exactly what I SHOULD do. We have an offer on our house that will hopefully result in a sale by the end of this month. We have Dave Ramsey inspired emergency funds, and I have a novel that is about 70% finished. What if I sold everything but my MacBook Pro, iPad and 5D Mark II and traveled somewhere exotic to learn a new language and culture? What if I did the thing I fear most and risk comfort in exchange for adventure? The desire to do a Big Trip is still in my soul, so why not make that my next thing in life?
I’m throwing this out to the Internet to ask for advice. Have you done something like this in your life? How did it improve the person you are today? What are some things I would need to consider? What are some places I should consider (inexpensive so I can stay at least a year)? I don’t want to roam, I want an immersive adventure. What would I do with my dogs?!?!?!?
I don’t know if I can stretch this far, but it’s what feels right. It gives Luria freedom to not worry about me competing with what she does next. It gives me an opportunity to finish the novel, and I don’t think I will ever finish it without setting time aside to focus on it. This would cause me to grow in a way, I can’t fully anticipate until it happens.
If you’ve done something like this, I’d love to hear about it. If you know someone whose done something like this, I’d love to hear their story. If you’re uncomfortable leaving a comment, email me: neal [at] geekbrief dot com.
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We moved from NE to AR (as we were planning to serve with a small mission mobilization organization, http://mdat.org) without a job waiting in the wings. Definitely out of my comfort zone at the time. On the drive down my wife got a phone call about a job opening.
Step of faith rewarded. Not that it always happens in such a manner, but we were glad for it at that point in time.
I have no adventure story for you however if you have a reason and the resources and the lack of ties to go immersive then I would seriously think about doing it.
I visited Paris for a week when I was in high school. It was fabulous. I still think about taking a year off to live in Europe but I have too many ties here — house, young kids, job. Too many people I love relying on me to provide a living for them.
Is this an opportunity for you just when you need it?
The question and Zoe and Sydney (and now puppies?) is tough one. Hopefully you could find someone to care for them.
Remember that sometimes you have to take care of yourself so you *can* care for others.
Here is an article about young Americans (12 and 15) studying at the Bolshoi. Not quite the same but it is all immersive…
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/01/arts/dance/01bolshoi.html?scp=2&sq=bolshoi&st=cse
The puppies just happened to be born here during a friend’s visit. They’re back home (http://jacordkennel.com/) in Arkansas so it’s just Zoe and Sydney.
I’ve been in a similar place Neal.
I was younger then but I traveled to 19 different countries, not just as a tourist but doing service,volunteering in ways I thought I could help the most. I taught at a school in India, helped an educational theatre in Europe, etc.
It was one of the most important times in my life and help me decide what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.
Good luck to you.
I haven’t done anything like this, but my sister sure has, and with good results. At the end of college she went to Japan for two years, teaching English. After that she moved on to Guam (everyone always asks if she was in the military – guess that’s the only reason most Americans go to Guam) for 7 years. Finally, she swung around to the other side of the world to Wales, working on a doctoral degree and then settled in the west midlands of England where she married a great guy. That probably qualifies as long-term roaming, but it was certainly immersive all along the way. I think it’s been very rewarding for her. I think something like that sounds very promising for you at this point in your life. You’ll probably never have a better moment to give it a try.
Tough decisions and risks never fall short of consequences. There wil be give and there will be take. Times will get hard and relationships will be strained. However, I can tell you first hand that my account for pursuing my own dreams and goals have lead to a sense of peace and accomplishment that I wouldn’t trade for the world.
The craziest thing that I now realize having done my pursuit of change, (and still in the process of doing so.) is how, looking back on the decisions and how they all connected to build for this moment and the future, simply blows me away. I couldn’t have written a better story myself. But to keep things
Neal,
My dad had a friend who traveled the world after a divorce. He visited 3rd world countries and traded Harley Davidson patches and other small pieces of Americana for hand made items. He had a blast and came back a much happier person than when he left.
Another thought, given your videography skills is to camp out along the gulf coast and document the oil spill as it unfolds.
Zoe and Sydney would be of great concern as they are used to you and Callie. For me, it would like giving away my children. I think it sounds great but make sure you find a great loving home for those two cuties if you do something exotic. I could not give them away as they are so well adjusted and cute.
short, I had a great job for about four and a half years, that I was pretty much set. Excelling from that point in that graphic design job was at it’s peak and I was ready for the next step. It hadn’t, or at least from that moment I wasn’t really looking for it, until it was staring me in the face. Music. With a lot of prayer and many times battling with myself over it, it was time to let go and take that next step. I don’t regret it one bit. So from my personal experience, I say pursue your goal, Neal. Take the next step and be bold.
(sorry I posted twice, I was typing from my iPad first and it somehow sent before I was done.)
Anyhow, I know you’ll make the right decision. I wish you the best, and I wish you the accomplishment of your goal.
Neal,
At 25 I went back to school for 5 more years, several years after graduating with a BA in English. My first year was in Bellingham, WA, at Western Washington State College. School is a GREAT excuse to move somewhere and still have a life there … and get something out of it at the same time. Got anything to make enrolling in another 1 – 4 years of college worth it? I did my next 4 in Orange County California for Optometry School. I graduated the week I turned 30. I would have been 30 then anyway.
That’s 1.
2: Join a synagogue. (g)
3: From what you write, I might, more seriously, suggest divinity school.
4: Move to the San Francisco Bay area and become an intern at the TWIT Cottage.
5: I’d suggest raising dogs, but you already know how they limit your ability to travel, or even just be away from home for any period of time at all.
Change is great … in the 20s, 30s, or way beyond. I’ll be 62 on the 16th and I’m thinking of making a change, too. YOU CAN DO IT. Heck … “if you don’t change direction you’ll end up going right where you’re headed.”
Dr. Mark
eyedocmark.com
eyedocmark@gmail.com
Happy 62nd, Dr. Mark!
I already have a Master’s Degree and I can’t imagine something I’d rather do for a living than writing and making video. Mevio made it possible for us to make a great living for four years doing something creative. I love them for that.
I love your change quote!
Do it. I moved from the UK to the middle East a few years back and love it. My motivation was different, sure, but the experience has been amazing. If you want somewhere to live on the cheap for a year (or more) then India or Thailand are your best bets. However it turns out, good luck to you
Thailand is one of my first choices because I would love to study, photograph and film the food.
I moved from the uk at the age of 25 to Denmark, where I couldn’t read or speak the language. That was 13 years ago, I’m still here, married, with two boys 8 & 5. I hated the job I left, but I love the job I have now, it’s the 5th one I’ve had here, and by far the best. There have definately been some tough times, especially economically, but my life I’m certain has only benefited from it. I still miss things about uk mind.
I grew up with this whole God Bless America mindset so I KNOW I would miss the States, but challenging my inclination seems like it would lead to more of a God Bless the World mindset.
Denmark is one of the places I most want to visit.
With your Master’s Degree, you could teach. After 30 years of broadcasting, I’m at a local University – probably the most satisfying job I have had. It takes advantage of my skills and I am able to teach and share with others.
I’m interested in teaching at the college level, but that seems like something I would be comfortable with and I need to go beyond my comfort zone.
Do the thing you fear. I’d even go so far as suggest you examine why you want an immersive experience and why you don’t want to roam—that sounds like comfort seeking too. If it is, don’t get suckered in by it—ROAM!! Stay in one place just long enough to get into a comfortable routine and then pack up and move on.
I’m in a similar place right now, but what I fear is not having a steady job and blogging/ podcasting full time…so maybe you could advise me there.
You are a wise man. I’ve always thought of you as a wise man, BUT! To me moving from one good experience to another is escaping. I’m looking to live through an experience.
Neal,
you probably already know the answer. Part of the “comfort world” is relying on others for feedback.
In the end it will still come down to you making the decision.
I hope this doesn’t sound too harsh but go all Nike-like and “Just do it”.
What happens if you fail? Not much probably. You’d have learned a ton about the world and even more about yourself. The best lessons are in failure and mistakes. It’s the ability to adapt and learn from them that is key to success and evolving. Prepare yourself for uncomfortable and challenges and be ready to adapt.
I know you are in a critical fork in the road but the best place to learn is in the uncomfortable area. I’ll always remember Franklin McMahon (who you’ve prob met with Rumour Girls, etc.) when I first was getting into this game. I listened to his MAS podcasts and many times he mentioned about getting uncomfortable. It’s the only was for creative people to branch out.
You will always have this life in the place you are in now (and tomorrow and the next day) but the opportunity you have now is to scratch of a bit of regret you would have had later in life for not doing it.
And again, you know what is going to have where you are tomorrow and probably for the next six months. What are you truly afraid of (we all have fears of that unknown..I know I do many times as well)? What is the worst that could happen?
Now with all of those thoughts think instead, what’s the best that could happen? Think positive and it will happen is the hardest thing to do at those critical times in one’s life but it works, sometimes it just takes time.
A bit of a ramble but I hope there is something in it you can take away for all of the years you (and Geekbrief) have given me positive energy as leaders and innovators.
You can do it. You did it with Geekbrief probably half the time without even knowing.
Good luck
Craig Moore
Neil I just read ur blog post & am thinking ur trying 2 run away from ur problems. When my Lauren & I broke it off I did just that, not very far, but I did run. I ran 2 my beach house for several weeks. There, I thought I could 4get my problems in this different & simpler setting. It took me almost 2 years 2 realize, my problem wasn’t with my loss of the love of my life, but it was me detached from myself. No matter where I went, I still had me. So think about this VERY carefully B4 U do something like taking this action U speak of. Look beyond yourself, look beyond the advice of others. Look DEEP inside Neal & you’ll find the answer. Another place, another person another living may not B the answer, the answer is sometimes in the question, ‘where does Neal need 2 B now’. What is that answer, it’s already there, U just need the light 2 C it. Just think carefully, once U take the dive U mentioned, it’ll B very hard 2 bounce back if/when U decide 2 come home. Your friend in NJ Bruce R.
I guess in a way, you could say that my husband and I have done it! While vacationing in the Caribbean, we fell in love with the island of Grenada. We were both self-employed, and felt it was the perfect time to get out of the rat race! Once the decision was made, we took steps to buy a house down here… it took us about 3 years to make the final move! Why Grenada? Well, the availability to high-speed internet, cell phones, and cable tv makes keeping in contact with family very easy… and the people of Grenada are probably the friendliest in the Caribbean! We cleaned out nearly 30 years’ accumulation of “stuff” and sold much of it on ebay (over a period of about 4-5 months). But I’m sure we still have way too much!
We’ve been here almost 2 years now… and we’re enjoying a much simpler life! Our priorities have been adjusted, and the really important things are much clearer now. We have no regrets!
Let me know if I can answer any questions!
Crystal
If you do decide to go, Neal, I can share some experience that friends have relayed to me. I have two friends in Asia right now who are teaching English to Asian students. One of them is currently in South Korea. The other, my best friend, is in Thailand (after teaching in South Korea, and then China). Both told me to tell you a few things:
a) Make sure you’re in or near a large city. That’s where the only good medical care is in case of an emergency.
b) Have twice as much money as you’ll think you’ll need, because if something goes wrong, you’ll need it. (for example, my friend in Thailand was trapped there during the recent unrest because he didn’t have the money to even get to the american embassy.)
c) Try to find Medical practitioners who speak English as soon as you get there. Even better is to find doctors trained in the west. You’ll may never need them, but it is better to know where they are if you do. In almost any Asian country there are ex-pats: Americans and Europeans who now live in Asia as teachers and consultants. Find these people and they’ll help you navigate things. This is important, because asian culture is VERY different from Western culture.
d) If you don’t have a paypal account, get one. It turns out, it is the easy way to get money in and out of asian countries. It’s how my best friend in Thailand pays his child support here in America.
e) The last one is advice from me, not them: Make sure you’re doing this because you think you’ll grow from it. Don’t do it thinking that it is a geographical cure for your ills. You take you wherever you go, so you take your ills with you. In fact, if I were you, I’d seriously consider talking about this with your pastor or one of the church counselors (if your church has counselors). It is important sometimes to get second opinions on large moves, just to check our motives.
And if you do go, make sure you find a place with good internet, so you can keep in touch.
Joe
Thank you Joe, I’m not all that thrilled about living through the divorce so I tend to imagine poor medical care as a possible blessing. I’m sure I’m wrong about that and I’m sure my attitude will change over time. Your suggestions about connecting with people there ASAP and talking to people here who care about my choices are things that I will definitely do.
Thank you for this heartfelt post. I totally identify with these emotions when I went through my divorce. I didn’t get the chance to do this in the location sense, but I did get the time to discover a lot about myself and begin to connect woth God. This sounds like an incredible adventure and I wish you the best of luck! Keep praying about it!
Neal, I think that God is at work… Obviously change is happening in your life and you’re looking for direction. I would encourage you to truly seek God’s desires, but at the same time understand that to do that, it doesn’t mean you need to go to far away lands. Maybe it does.. but be sure before you jump in. God works in small ways, big ways and everything in between. He also works close to home, far away and everywhere in between. Pray, seek Him, and let Him lead you. Great things will happen. Count on it.
This sounds like a terrible idea to me. Why, oh why, would the comfort of your soon-to-be ex-wife even be a consideration? If you like what you do and living in houses that can have air conditioning, without bugs, and with good, western toilets, then moving to some developing country (pretty much required by your thought to stay a year), would mean a year of never-ending anxiety. Sure, you might change and throw yourself into this endeavor enough to evade your emotions about the divorce. From the perspective of a woman here, it sounds like a mid-life crisis and running away.
Forget about what would make things easier on your ex. You are living for yourself now and have some /serious/ emotional work to do. As I recall, it is some culture’s tradition (Judaism?) to put off all major decisions for 6 months. You definitely need to impose this on yourself. You are still coming from a very bad spot. You want to break out of your comfort zone? You’re about to do it anyway when you sell your house. If you’ve got no ties to your current location, find an apartment in a city near your old college Alma mater (if it was meaningful to you), or your parents, and go to jazz clubs, attend the theater and galleries. Take a cooking or painting course. By all means, get out of your own head for a little while, but you don’t have to abandon everything.
Seriously, take a year to think about taking a year away. If you still want it in a year, then great. Decisions made when you are miserable and in pain will surely not be the best ones. Give yourself the gift of taking things slowly. And give yourself the gift of taking time to figure out what you want without feeling a need to cripple your prospects by giving your ex so much power in your life.
Best wishes that you get through this divorce without doing something self-destructive. It sounds like you are still in a lot of pain.
I appreciate your perspective, Kim, and I think you nailed the biggest worry that I have. I don’t want this to be about running away.
My comfort zone issues limit the adventure I’m willing to take. One friend suggested going to Africa to teach technology. That’s more than I have in me, although I wish is wasn’t.
There are places I’m looking at where I can have a clean room, high-speed Internet, a king size bed, a kitchen and modern bathroom for half of what it would cost here.
My main goal is to write my book. Writing is hard to do without some degree of getting away. Also, after going to the Travel Channel Academy I have this desire to take what I learned from there and doing GeekBrief.TV and applying it to an exotic trip. If I have a room with high speed Internet, I can share the experience with everyone who cares to watch.
I feel everyone here is being just a little bit too encouraging. From personal experience it’s never good to act in response to pain. You may not even think you are in pain, but that’s just because not enough time has past yet. You need to take a step back and sit on this for awhile. Don’t make any decisions right now. Let yourself think for a good long time before you decide to make any drastic changes. I have found that whenever I make a big decision I look back at it and see that even if it was the right decision, my outlook was all screwed up. Over time your opinion of your situation will change. You will be more objective. There are always people who will tell you to go right now. To just do it. That may not be the best thing. Take a look at where you are at now. Think about the good things, and just try to have fun for a while. Let things work themselves out, and a few months or a year from now decide what you are going to do. You won’t be wasting time, you will be using your resources wisely. In the mean time do things that you find fun and personally fulfilling. Oh and don’t abandon those poor little dogs. They have feelings too. They would miss you so much. This is just my opinion. The choice is yours to make. I just didn’t want the only advice you got to be “sure go ahead and make rash irrational decisions just because you have gone through something.”
I read your post and all the comments before this comment. Smart people on both sides.
Boiling it down, you have a goal. Finish your book. That’s it.
Don’t do anything but that.
“Hey he didn’t give advice on moving, roaming, living location, dogs and the rest.”
Yep. That’s a distraction from your goal.
So my single piece of advice – get a calendar and document when you will be at 75%, an increase of 5% from where you are. Now you are working toward your goal. Repeat.
Date + Milestones = Focus
I love all you guys! Dave Kaufman, you nailed it.
Luria gave me her blessing. Hopefully she will help me find my passport!
My best friend in Arkansas will keep Sydney and Zoe.
I am curious about the commennt ‘gave me her blessing’ – can you explain?
She emailed and said she thought it would be good. I love her so I’ll always care what she thinks.
Been there and know the feeling. Go to counseling first before you move to a distant land. The just hurt will only go with you on the trip. Find a new land, in yourself.
Been to counseling. I have a masters degree in counseling so I know the tricks behind the magic show.
For me group therapy with other people going through divorce has been much more helpful.
The searching that you are doing during this time comes right through the post.
Even though this sounds exciting, my only words these. “Remember… Wherever you go, There you are.” Your emotions, and you will be there.
So as long as you are not doing it to run away from them, you probably will be ok. However if you are trying to escape… you can’t run away from yourself.
That’s my two cents.
PS: If you go, don’t sell the camera, do a photo journal of your adventures.
Victor, it wouldn’t be worth doing if I couldn’t share it with the 5D Mark II.
When I was 42 I left my job of 24+ years an 55k income, sold my home and moved my family to Texas so I could finish my education and become a teacher. I couldn’t have made a better decision. Teaching was the most fulfilling career I ever had. No regrets at all.
You should probably get in touch with Jason van Orden of Internet Business Mastery dot com, who incorporated living in South America as part of his lifestyle. He may have some advice based on experience.
I just say that if you have the means to this right now and you feel led by the spirit, do it.
Whatever you do, do it with the same passion you took on GB with.
I sure hope you’re not just having a divorce/mid-life crisis.
I have to tell you that you would be extremely wise to PAUSE at this point in your life and just do nothing for six months until your head is clear.
I’ve been divorced (just 7 years ago). I remember all the thoughts I had too.
I’m glad I was slow to react.
There isn’t really a different way to see it than as a divorce/life crisis. My plans and dreams for how my life would go are no longer an option. I have to regroup and heal and grow. It’s a crisis because I don’t have a choice, but I think that also makes it an opportunity.
When the house sells, I have to live somewhere so it might as well be some place that causes me to stretch and think different.
Those of us you have gathered around you, your pit crew, during this transitional period in your life, cannot make any decisions for you. You know in your heart of hearts what you should do. We can only bless and support you as you figure things out for yourself. This is a great gift to us.
I can tell you that, when I was in my twenties, I left everything familiar to me and went abroad with no plans and little money, learned another language and came back three years later completely changed.
Expressing your self in another language makes subtle changes in the way you think. The vocabulary and syntax of the new language suggests new ways of looking at things. I would definitely recommend it. If you do this with more than one language, you may find yourself seeing things from more than several perspectives at once. ‘sort of puts a wrench in the concept of a metaphysical truth.
Moving my body to a different part of the world was only a technique for changing the way I thought. To quote an old saying, ‘You have to chop wood and carry water before and after enlightenment.’
Blessings on your journey.
God is surely working in your heart. Have you considered combining your passion for Christ with a need for leaving your comfort zone? There are many medium-term missions opportunities throughout the world. A six month stint might be just what you need to serve others, seek out His guidance, and find out what is truly important.
Go for it, and as Keith Green once sang, “He’ll Take Care of the Rest.”
Brazil is the place to start.
If you get here, lemme know and I’ll show you around!
Hey Neal,
Long time viewer of GeekBrief. I have prayed for both you and Cali. Although this blog might be a strange place to comment on what I’m going to, I couldn’t find an email address for you.
I have been so happy to see you turn your life back to God and I love the music you’ve been suggesting. I know what its like to feel surrounded by people but still so alone and suddenly realize God has been there the whole time.
Our service at church today reminded me of you. The beginning might seem a little strange given everything going on in your life right now, but listen to it for a minute and Noel (one of our Pastors) will explain how the message is so important for single people too.
http://bit.ly/acgAdA
Our church seems to be a lot like the one you have recently started attending. We recently added a $6 Mill. building expansion and have grown to I believe about 3,000 members (not on the Christams and Easter services though lol.) Our pastor is very into new media and might be worth following on twitter.
@noeljesse
I wish you the best and you’ll be in my prayers!
Corey
Neil,
A few years ago, I was struggling through unemployment (thanks to a layoff), separated from my now ex-wife at the time, and aimlessly wasting away the nights (and days as a result) in bars. My savings was dwindling, but I decided to go meet my new internet girlfriend in Hangzhou, China. Seven trips and a fiancee’ visa later, I am now remarried to the woman I should have always been with and have a new house and a 8 month old son.
My advice to you is to drop it all, stop asking for help on the safe/best ways to do it and just GO! You will not only survive, but will find something in it all that will change the rest of your life. Best of luck to you!
Kind regards,
Roger Johnson
Charlotte, NC