As a creative person, my mind works like moths flying around a laser beam. Creative ideas and imagination are fluttering in chaotic orbits around a hyper-focused central idea, goal or mission. When my central focus is on faith or hope, my creativity produces good things. When my central focus is on fear and doubt, my creativity produces a mess. Anyone paying close enough attention to me over the last five years got to see both things happen.

From 2005 to 2008, my heart and mind were focused on GeekBrief.TV. That show was all about faith, hope and expectation. For the first time in my life, I truly believed I could make something valuable out of nothing more than what my mind could invent. Watching a dream turn into reality was powerful and motivational and it lead me to dream other dreams. I had the idea for The Big Trip, a dream where we would take the show on the road and travel to all 50 states in an RV or bus. When we were ready to buy the Big Trip vehicle, the economic crises was starting. Had we tried to purchase the vehicle sooner, we would have been able to get a mortgage for a bus just like on a house, but by the time we were ready, banks weren’t taking the same risks. As the dream of doing the Big Trip started to go down in flames, my focus shifted from faith to fear. I call it, “Going all Glen Beck.” I started worrying about the country. I started worrying about my future with my wife. I didn’t sleep well and the joy that was in my life gave way to misery and worry. If you followed me on Twitter during that time, you saw me collapse.

Dogs don’t bite because they’re mean. They bite when they’re scared. I’m like that too.

At Blogworld 2009, Chris Brogan said something like, “Be nice or get off the Internet.” That started to change my life, but changing one’s life is like turning a big ship. It takes some time to shift the momentum and that takes us back to that idea of where my laser is pointed. When my laser was pointed in the direction of fear about Obama and socialism, I did more damage to my soul than Obama and socialism ever could do to my bank account. When my wife left, the stuff happening in D.C. became irrelevant in my life.

Chris Brogan’s speech at Blogworld helped me to start to turn the ship, but I couldn’t turn it fast enough to save my marriage. My wife is filled with hope and optimism and living with my despair made her miserable and it isn’t something I can salvage because I’m alone in wanting to fix it.

It’s sad, but it’s a cautionary tale that I hope will end up strengthening other people’s marriages. If your life is filled with worry, doubt and fear, your life is going to crash. I believe in God and I believe God is a good Papa who wants good things for His kids. You may not have to believe in God to be optimistic. I do. Faith, hope and love will bring good things into your life. Fear, doubt and anger will bring bad things. It is just about the same as driving the Titanic in the general direction of an iceberg. We’ve all seen the movie. It doesn’t end well.

It’s very difficult to change who we are, but it’s rather simple to change how we are. It’s just a matter of changing our focus. I’m seeing it happen in my life. I’m experiencing joy and peace that I haven’t had for years and it’s simply because I slowly started turning the ship from a focus on fear toward a focus on faith, and not just faith in God, faith that tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

This is Hava Nagila Texas Style with a Choir!

via WizbangBlog.com and FWGMills on Twitter.

Brian McLaren is a liberal pastor who writes books that upset conservative Christians. My Christian friends who prefer democrats tend to like Brian, and my Christian friends who prefer republicans tend to think he is a heretic.

I don’t really have an opinion about him. I’m probably more inclined to disagree with him politically, but the one thing I know is that my friends who read his books love God and do more to help the poor than the friends who call him a heretic.

Last night, I watched a video of a group of conservative theologians sitting on a stage tearing Brian’s latest book apart. They seemed to really enjoy themselves as the repeatedly called Brian out on hermeneutical errors. The smugness on that stage looked and sounded much more like the religious leaders who wanted Jesus killed and out of the way than the ones who wanted to do what He said to do.

I’m not good at the thing I think we’re called to do as Christians yet, but I’m working on it. We’re called to love and take care of hurting people. Jesus didn’t say the world would know us by our spot on theology. He said they’d know us by our love. Disagree or agree with Brian all you want, but don’t get dressed up and turn on cameras to spend an evening on a stage talking about him. I guarantee that there are people those guys on that stage could have been loving one-on-one like Jesus did, but instead they turned the gospel into sideline commentary to make themselves feel superior.

I’ve been more guilty of emphatically believing what I believe than anyone. Being right isn’t all that important. Sharing the transformative love of God matters more than politics and it matters more than hermeneutics so let’s just get over ourselves.

We were doing some cleaning today and I came across something beautiful I wanted to share.

Three years ago, my sister-in-law asked me to perform her wedding ceremony. Not only did I get to officiate, I got to write the wedding “sermon.” I read it this morning and thought I’d share it (with some personal bits removed)…

We’re gathered here this afternoon, in this beautiful place, to celebrate one of life’s greatest moments, to give recognition to the value and beauty of love, and to add our best wishes to the words that will unite Fielding and Michael in marriage.

Fielding and Michael, we start life out as individuals, but you know what?  God says it’s not good for us to be alone, so He created within each of us a driving desire to find someone…to find THAT SPECIAL someone…and you guys did it!  You found each other.
It wasn’t easy.  It might have even taken longer than you would have wanted, but it happened and when it happened, you knew.
And now today, you guys begin a life-long adventure of love.  Your life together is blessed by God and it’s blessed by us, your friends and family.

When Fielding and Michael asked me to perform this ceremony, I was excited because I LOVE love!  And, I love weddings because a wedding is a formal celebration of love…a time when friends and family join together to acknowledge love is more than just a chemical reaction or an emotion that comes and goes. It’s a decision that changes your lives as solitary individuals into a team ready to take on the world, with all it’s ups and downs.

The Bible says, Love never gives up.  Love cares more for other than for self.  Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.  Love isn’t proud.  It isn’t me first.  It doesn’t take pleasure in the sins of others.  It puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back and keeps going to the end.  Love never dies.

A movie called love “a many splendored thing.”

John Lennon says, “All you need is love.”

Shakespeare says, “Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom.”

I say, nothing is more awesome than love, so my question for you guys, is this…are you ready to get married?

Then let’s do it.

Michael, do you take Fielding to be your Wife? (“I do”) Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her, forsaking all others, holding only unto her? (“I do”)

Fielding, do you take Michael to be your Husband? (“I do”) Do you promise to love, honor , cherish and protect him, forsaking all others, holding only unto him? (“I do”)

Wearing wedding rings is an outward symbol of your inner commitment to each other and a symbol of the unbroken circle of love. You give love and receive love and the circle goes on and on without end. Each time you glance down and see the rings on your fingers, you’re sure to remember the vows you’re taking today.

Michael, as you place the ring on Fielding’s finger, repeat after me:

I, Michael, take thee, Fielding to be my Wife.  To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you forevermore. With this ring, I thee wed. all my love, I thee give to thee.”

Fielding, as you place the ring on Michael’s finger, repeat after me:

I , Fielding, take thee , Michael, to be my Husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise My love to you forevermore. With this ring, I thee wed. all my love, I give to thee.”

Fielding and Michael as the two of you come into this marriage united as husband and wife, you are affirming your faith and love for each another.  I ask you to always remember to cherish each other as special and unique.  I ask you to respect each other’s thoughts, ideas and suggestions. Be able to forgive without holding grudges.  Be best friends and enjoy your life together.  From now on, you’re each other’s home, comfort and refuge.  Your marriage is strengthened by your love and respect for each other.

Let’s pray.  God, just as you made the ocean a delightful, beautiful place to be, you made love and marriage.  You didn’t have to, but I’m so glad You did.  I ask you to bless Michael and Fielding throughout their lives together.  Join them together so nothing on earth or beyond will shake their love for each other.  Amen

Today, Fielding and Michael honored us all with an invitation to witness their wedding, and also today, they declare before all of us that they will live together as a team in marriage.  According to tradition, they entered into their marriage by joining hands, taking vows, and by exchanging rings.  Therefore, it is my pleasure, to pronounce them husband and wife.  Congratulations, Michael, you may kiss your bride!

Break the glass and Mozel Tov!

I’m so grateful to Fielding and Michael for giving me the honor of performing the ceremony to bring them together in marriage. It was one of the greatest joys of my life. They had a baby girl in January and named her, Campbell, but it’s only a coincidence that it is also my last name. Fielding wanted to name a daughter that long, long ago. Still, it’s pretty cool!

I’ve been working through an internal struggle since McCain introduced us to Palin. I don’t like being political in my public life because politics is so personal and I don’t want to risk alienating folks who disagree or don’t enjoy rational, political discourse. With Palin, I’m all-in at least one more time. If she disappoints me by using power to restrict liberty, I will go back to ignoring politics.

Twitter serves as an amazing pressure valve, but it’s much less satisfying that I would like because someone might follow my tweets because of what we do professionally and have no interest in my late night ranting. This morning I woke up with a great idea. I created a different twitter account for “Neal After Dark.” The new Twitter account is where I’ll stand on the porch yelling at the kids to get off my proverbial lawn.

The idea of having place to blow off political steam, where people know what they’re getting if they follow that account seems kind of liberating.

The “After Dark” account is Twitter.com/lateniteneal. Follow at your own risk.

Sarah Palin has hit a nerve with me. I’m trying to understanding it by writing about it.

In just over two weeks, I’ve gone from being a non-registered, non-voter with a 90% laissez faire attitude about what government does to being all-in for a person I want to see become president.

Being disaffected by politics didn’t mean I was without strong political beliefs. It meant I was without hope that anyone strong enough to articulate and push a strong Libertarian message would ever be motivated enough to run for office. My political foundation has been shaped by the speeches of Ronald Reagan and the writing of Libertarians like William F. Buckly and Camille Paglia. I believe God created us as vessels of free-will. We can do good. We can do bad or we can do nothing. I believe in freedom of choice across the board because that’s the system illustrated in the Garden of Eden.

Coming out of school, the Republicans held sway with me because their rhetoric was closer to Libertarianism. The Contract with America gave me great hope that I could see wasteful government spending come to an end. When that didn’t happen. I gave up and dropped out. If the political system’s intention was to screw itself, I wasn’t going to hang around and watch.

I had a little (unfounded) hope that Democrats would learn from Clinton’s Republican-Congress-Assisted fiscal restraint. As my fellow Christians seemed to grow more and more enamored with political power, I hoped for a new kind of Democrat party … one that was socially liberal and fiscally conservative. That hope was very short lived. It’s clear that the roots of socialism are too well established in the Democrat party.

I didn’t plan to vote this year, like I haven’t voted for the past several years, and then along came Palin.

It starts with the fact that she’s a woman and I’m a feminist. I don’t have much respect for men in general so men have to prove themselves in my life, but I’m likely to give a woman the benefit of the doubt. Margaret Thatcher said, “In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.” Oh Man! I can’t tell you how much I believe that, but for me, it goes beyond politics. I’d rather follow a woman than a man in almost any circumstance.

Beyond being a woman, Sarah Palin is a strong communicator who warmly and smoothly articulates her message in a way that attracts even people who disagree with her. It isn’t a quality that can easily be faked. She comes across as a politician who is genuine and I trust her. That never happens with me so I’ve been reading every blog post and news story about her. Memeorandum has overtaken Techmeme as my favorite Web site.

What I’ve learned about her, is that her enemies fear her because she is so damn effective. Lies about her record in Alaska are jumping up like popcorn, but they don’t stick because all they are just popcorn. She’s slashed government spending on things that don’t work or don’t matter in Alaska. That’s something I’ve always longed to see a politician do. She stood against and exposed corruption in the good-ol-boy networks and I don’t even want to get started on what I think about good-ol-boys. She learned from mistakes. Yes she originally supported the Bridge to Nowhere, but realized it was wrong and killed it. The Alaskan Democrat Party Web site credited her with killing the Bridge to Nowhere (and then took down the page after her nomination).

Camille Paglia is a lesbian, feminist, pro-abortion writer who supports Obama. She writes more eloquently than I ever could about why my friends on the social left don’t have a legitimate reason to fear Sarah (based on her record) and why feminists in particular shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss her.

I want to see someone go to Washington and kill programs that don’t work or don’t matter. Sarah Palin is the first person I’ve seen who just might do it.

This year I’m going to vote for John McCain, but I’m really voting for a future Sarah Palin presidency. I want to have a daughter one day and I prefer a woman in the White House when my girl (or boy) is growing up.

I feel like I have to weigh in on this. The church Sarah Palin once attended appears to believe people can be “healed” of homosexuality.

Background: I’m a born-again Christian who loves … is that the word? I value gay people. I believe God blessed the planet with gay people and I don’t care if anyone agrees with me. Gay people make the world a better place in many, many ways. As a Christian, I cannot deny that the Bible calls homosexuality a sin, but I don’t care. My position is that, if God thinks it’s a sin, He has the power to change it and if He wants too … I’m okay with that, but I haven’t seen evidence of it, and I hope He doesn’t.

In my life, I’ve seen gay Christians who love God and their committed relationships are blessed by God.

Let’s just call it a sin since the Bible does. So is gluttony and we share God’s grace for that. Divorce is a sin that Jesus talked about (He didn’t talk about homosexuality), and the church has largely extended God’s grace to divorced people.

Sarah Palin may or may not be where I am in my belief that we should love gay men and women whether they stop being gay or not. I hope that isn’t what God wants. Lots of Christians hope God wants them to change. Either way … it isn’t up to us. It’s up to Him.

What is up to us is that we love each other the same as we love ourselves. I extend a bunch of grace to myself and therefore I extend almost an unlimited amount of grace to anyone who doesn’t hurt me personally.

I believe the church will move toward extended unconditional love to every person who walks the planet. Sarah will too. Is she there yet? I don’t know, but if she loves Jesus, I know she’ll get there because He loves and died for me … just as I am.

I grew up in church and loved it, but I haven’t been back in about 4 years. I’ve never stopped believing what I grew up believing though.

On random nights, it seems like maybe once a month, I put on some gospel DVDs and try to tap into the joy unspeakable and full of glory that I remember from church. I’m angry at church, though, and so sometimes I have a bad gospel night where it pulls up all the reasons I don’t go any more.

The biggest reason I stopped going is that churches were becoming more and more focused on gaining political power and less focused on loving people. The specific reason I stopped going is that I’m angry with my last pastor and until I can let that go, it’s going to be an ongoing issue in my life.

When I have this dark nights of the soul, I often cry out to the twitter community. I’m not expecting a solution, it’s more about yelling out a window, and I guess hoping someone will hear.

I have a great life with a great wife. We were talking about my inner struggle this morning and the metaphore I used was that I feel like my life is a helium balloon that represents all the good things. Inside the balloon is a rock and that represents my resentment against the church and my last pastor. It seems like a mission impossible task to get rid of the rock without poping the balloon, so I just live with the rock and deal with it emotionally from time to time.

I don’t have an answer, but it seems like anyone who happens to read my late night tweets and wonders, “what’s up with that guy?” should have some kind of explaination and context.

Alcoholics describe their experience with alcohol in a way that very nearly mirrors my experience with political news. I have to try very hard to avoid partisan political discussion because even a small amount of exposure can send me spiraling into depression and ultimately a sense of despair. Some people can handle it. I cannot.

Growing up, I watched This Week with David Brinkley with my grandfather on Sunday mornings. I loved Sam Donaldson, Cokie Roberts and George Will. That was where my addiction started and by the time I was in college, I was a political news junkie. I listened to Rush Limbaugh for three hours a day and National Public Radio the rest of the time. On Sunday mornings I recorded the political shows so I could watch This Week, Meet the Press and The McLaughlin Group back to back.

At some point there was a shift away from politics being a positive form of entertainment. It because a source of frustration for me, especially as I began to think of myself as more of a Libertarian.

When Rush Limbaugh returned to his show after re-hab, he talked about how it’s much easier to be a happy person when you distance yourself from politics. That was it. I walked away and now, as much as possible, I try my best to stay away from it. I’d rather be happy than right.

I’ve exchanged politics for technology because technology offers real solutions rather than false promises and power grabs. On Brief 377 we covered a Silicon Valley company called LS9. They’ve genetically modified bacteria to feed on wood chips or straw and excrete crude oil. Within just a few years their technology very well may eliminate our dependence on foreign oil. The political arguments haven’t changed much in years and years. Technology can transform our lives virtually overnight.

I won’t always be able to avoid political discussions, but I’m trying as hard as I can. Live is much more fun without it.