Wimpy, a burger restaurant in Johannesburg offers menus in Braille. They wanted to get the word out, so they asked the ad agency, Metropolitan Republic for help. The final idea was to bake some burgers with messages written in Braille with sesame seeds. The messages explain what’s in the burgers. When the 15 Braille burgers were delivered to 15 blind people and when they read the sesame seeds, they break out in smiles and it’s a beautiful thing.

I worked on things to fit what she said where her dreams. Modeling didn’t work because that business is just weird. She groked it and that business doesn’t like girl who grok it. We then started writing a book. Harry Potter was taking off and we started writing a book set in New Orleans with a flood threat that skidded to a halt with Katrina. My next thing was podcasting inspired by Dawn and Drew. The Crappy Christian Show quickly evolved from Luria and me getting drunk and talking into a mic into a ministry type thing to share the idea that God may love gay people just as they are, without any expectation they change. I didn’t want to be in ministry and Luria certainly didn’t.

Steve Jobs announced the first iPod that played video and I worked to make that iPod play GeekBrief.TV. That worked well. We started making money. Mevio was a great partner. Luria wanted more, and people in her life convinced her she was the character I wrote every day. Her belief that she was Cali Lewis grew into an argument that led her to leave our marriage.

I still want to be writing tech news as Cali Lewis and producing GeekBrief.TV. I don’t get that as an option, and I’ve come close to launching alternative visions. I almost released a gadget show yesterday.

Here’s the deal though … I don’t want to work on a next thing that is anything but temporary. My heart can’t currently believe in long term. I want to work, but I’m not ready to say, “This is the thing that replaces Cali Lewis and GeekBrief.TV for me.” Even my dreams for Bacon.TV in partnership with Wright Brand Bacon isn’t that powerful!

The Mayans predicted the world ends at the end of 2012. Obviously, that’s silly just like when that preacher dude did it twice in 2011. But you know what? So what! What will happen if I live this year like it’s not only my last year, but yours? That’s what I’m going to do.

Tomorrow I launch a temporary thing I can believe in and I think it will inspire you to do something better than you planned to do in 2012. It isn’t serious because I’m not ready to be serious. It’s just about fun.

I’ve lost my life goal of being married to a beautiful, smart, and kind girl. I’m not making that kind of goal again. To make it through. I want to live as though it’s not only my last year but yours too.

This video was my favorite Internet happening of 2011. I’ve been reading my friend’s status updates on Facebook and it makes me feel, about the Internet, the way Debbie feels about cats. I want to hug you all with rainbows in baskets!

My shero Dawn Miceli posted this and I concur…

Dear 2011,

I’m not even sure how to say this, its been so hard for so long. I don’t want to be with you anymore, there I said it. It just hasn’t been working out and I feel like I just need to get away from you. I am sure there were some good times but all I can remember right now are all the bad times, the horrible memories. You were a pretty shitty year and I am glad we are breaking up. I want to find a better year, one that will be fun and filled with good times. You just weren’t that year, it wasn’t in your nature and I know now no one could change you. Don’t text or call please, its better we never see each other again. I’m just gonna walk away and pretend this has been just one bad nightmare.

My 2012 resolution is to live this year with the idea that the Mayans were right about it being our last one. 2011 sucked for me. It was the worst year of my life. It’s uphill from here and it’s going to be fun … and there will be BACON!

No single person, living or dead has had a more important impact on my life than Steve Jobs. I’m just learning animation. This is my second one. I wanted to do something in memory of Steve Jobs. Some people like to listen to Linus quote Luke 2 on Christmas. I want to hear Steve Jobs toast The Crazy Ones who change things.

I uploaded in 1080p so watch full-screen.

This instrumental Christmas medley was performed at Gateway in Southlake, Texas. I’m glad they posted it on YouTube as a stand alone performance because it’s all kinds of awesome! It makes me feel like the theme from Rocky makes me feel. With a blend of classical, hard rock and jazz riffs, this has to be the most eclectic arrangement of Christmas music I’ve ever heard.

A lot of people have an innate understanding of what it takes to succeed and they never do the work. Some people don’t do the work because they have family obligations, and they’re unwilling to take risks. Some people don’t do the work because of fear of failure (that’s one of my issues). Some people don’t do the work because they really just don’t want to do it.

Want to make money from blogging? Blog, blog, blog, blog, blog. Want to make money from photography? Shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot. I don’t make very much from this blog when I just post about how I’m feeling every once in awhile. The more I post about what I know and what I care about, ad revenue increases. It’s a simple principle: if you want to make money doing anything, it has to become your job … the thing you work hard doing every day. In short, stop flinching!

We’re flinching when we doubt we can do something. We’re flinching when the challenge seems overwhelming. We’re flinching when we’ve been hurt and don’t want to be hurt again. We’re flinching when we go to school and makes safe choices that go against the dreams about doing that thing we’ve always wanted to do.

The flinch is an important instinct when you come face-to-face with a rattlesnake, but it needs to be overcome when facing first world problems like having a critic who doesn’t like us. The Flinch, the book is about pushing through all the things that keep us from achieving dreams. I love this part:

“Somewhere in the world, a lion wakes up every morning not knowing what it’s going to eat. Every day, it finds food. The lion isn’t worried–it just does what it needs to do.

Somewhere else, in a zoo, a caged lion sits around every day and waits for a zookeeper. The lion is comfortable. It gets to relax. It’s not worried much, either.

Both of these animals are lions. Only one is a king.”

Inspired? I am! Get The Flinch for free and then fight to win!

Here’s Chris talking to Julian about The Flinch. Warning Julian cusses a lot!

This recital is a big deal in my hometown. The Municipal Auditorium has about 2500 seats that have butts in all of them for all three shows. Before the recital, I shot rehearsals at the dance studio so I could produce segments to play during set and costume changes. Seeing my work projected on a big screen and getting to hear an audience laugh and clap as they watched was really cool!

Each year graduating seniors get to do solos. We produced interview segments where each senior talked about her solo and we played those to introduce each one. Three of the senior dancers have lost a parent in a tragic way. Dance became a way for them to deal with the pain and work through it. I was dealing with divorce pain and their stories inspired me to not give up. One girl lost her mom to cancer just last year. This dance called Brave. She dedicated it to her mom.

The first part of the year, I worked on trying to save my marriage. I went to counseling, support groups, read books, watched videos. There is nothing I wouldn’t have done to fix it because I didn’t believe in divorce or giving up. I don’t think there was anything I could have done to change her heart, mind or focus. When fixing it didn’t change anything, I started working on me.

I grew up in church and for me nothing feels like home like when I’m in church. I was a close-minded fundamentalist who loved the story of Jesus. As a teenager, I fell in love with the charismatic experience of worship. There is a mystical thing that happens in a charismatic church as the music starts on a high and transitions into a tender, peaceful rest. I wanted to grow up to lead worship because I loved those feelings I got in church.

After I was married, that girl seemed perfect. I couldn’t name a sin she was guilty of, and if she was sin-free, what did I really need with a God I couldn’t see? We stopped going to church and I started worshiping her. I thought she was all I needed. I didn’t think I needed friends. I didn’t think I needed family and I didn’t think I needed God. I gave up on God and gave up worship

It wasn’t fair to her though. It might feel nice to be worshiped a little, but no human can stand to be worshiped with the intensity I worshiped her. When she couldn’t supply the spiritual and emotional needs I used to get from worshiping God … that joy unexplainable and peace that passes all understanding … I began to slowly fall apart. I broke and I wanted to die.

This Summer, I worked on healing. I reconnected with friends and family in beautiful ways. I went to Budapest, Vienna and Prague. I ate, prayed and wondered about the possibility of love. Friends and family sustained me. When I fell apart, they grabbed me and held me back together. I confessed my sins to them and they didn’t run away. They helped me heal. They saw me weak. They saw me cry. They saw me want to give up. The saw me through.

This year, I became a worshiper of God again. I’m not a fundamentalist any more and I can’t come anywhere near thinking you would get the same thing I get from faith, but I know it works for me. I feel like me again. I have joy and peace in the middle of the decimation of my hopes and dreams. My church has a thing called Freedom Ministries and it has been the most transformative experience of my life, on both cognitive and spiritual levels. It’s helped me with depression, fear of rejection, selfishness and I’m just getting started. Freedom classes are available online.

In her book, Mosaic, Amy Grant shares a conversation she had with Sarah Cannon who is more famously known as Minnie Pearl. Amy visited Sarah when Sarah was dying and Sarah asked her, “Amy, do you know what the most important color is in an artist’s palette?” Amy thought about it and then Sarah told her, “Child, it’s black. Black is the most important color for an artist. You see? Without black there is no depth. Without black everything appears flat. But mix black with any color and you can paint an object so real you want to reach out and touch it.” The lyrics to one of my favorite songs say,

So I thank God for the mountains
And I thank Him for the valleys
I thank Him for the storms He’s brought me through
’cause if I never had a problem
I wouldn’t know that He could solve them
I wouldn’t know what faith in His Word could do

This year has been the hardest of my life, but it’s brought depth and meaning like I’ve never had before. I’m starting to build something new and this time it won’t be a frivolous quest for fame and fortune. I want what I do next to be a tool than generates resources to help hurting broken people. It will be just as shiny, happy and fun as GeekBrief.TV, but it will have a deeper purpose.

This last week I was in the home of a dear friend, Pastor Randy McCain. He preached the funeral of Tammy Faye Bakker. There were two things I remember Tammy Faye saying over and over again.

1. You can make it!
2. God loves you! He really, really does!

I have a lot to do! My goal is to build an amazing new media production company that entertains, inspires, funds charity and maybe even changes the world a little bit.

Stay tunned…

In the last year, two men in new media announced their marriages were ending. I’ve admired the work of both men and the marriages of both men. When they each announced their divorces, I was deeply saddened for days. I didn’t understand the sadness. I know them both a little bit on a professional level, but not very well on a personal level so the depth of my sadness was unusual. Looking back, I think I probably had a sense that my marriage wasn’t making it either.

There is no way I could have ever guessed how painful the divorce process is. Friends help in amazing ways, but unless they’ve experienced the emotional trauma of divorce they can only help so much. They try their hardest and you’ll appreciate the effort, but I’ve found it really helpful to find people going through the same thing.

At first, I attended something called RE|ENGAGE at Watermark Church in Dallas. It’s a dynamic, ongoing Wednesday night ministry designed to strengthen and heal marriages. One of the most unique things about RE|ENGAGE is its group sessions. There are couples groups, like you’d expect, but there are also groups for spouses who are there to work on their marriage without their partner. There are men’s groups and women’s groups. There is something powerful about hearing a person you don’t know, express in words the exact feelings you’re experiencing. The realization that you’re not alone in feeling the way you do is the beginning of healing. At least it has been for me.

I still believe God wants to heal marriages, but I’ve lost faith that He’ll heal mine before divorce is final. I’m switching from RE|ENGAGE to another support system called DivorceCare. DivorceCare is something that takes place in churches all over America. It’s a support group kind of thing where you walk through the pain with other people who are experiencing it too.

I’m not really in a position to hand out advice to anyone, so this is really just about what’s working for me. Friends have been amazing. Friends have also been frustrating when they haven’t understood, but mostly they’ve been amazing. Ultimately though, it’s been very important to talk to people who personally know from experience what this is like. That’s what I encourage anyone going through this to do.

It turns out we’re never quite as unique as we think we are and that’s a very beautiful thing.