I wrote a blog post February 2nd called “Life is a Forward Moving Force.” It’s about a river adventure that was out of character for me. As a student of Milton Erickson I believe we have the power to change what we don’t like about ourselves. In his therapeutic practice, Erickson brought about big changes in personality by suggesting small changes in behavior.

The part of who I am that I want and need to change the most is my need to be comfortable. Being comfortable in every way possible has been my number one priority in every situation since I was a kid. That need for comfort results in other things I’d like to change.

The very last thing that seems natural for me to do, is sell everything that isn’t essential and go live in a different country for a year. I’m thinking that is exactly what I SHOULD do. We have an offer on our house that will hopefully result in a sale by the end of this month. We have Dave Ramsey inspired emergency funds, and I have a novel that is about 70% finished. What if I sold everything but my MacBook Pro, iPad and 5D Mark II and traveled somewhere exotic to learn a new language and culture? What if I did the thing I fear most and risk comfort in exchange for adventure? The desire to do a Big Trip is still in my soul, so why not make that my next thing in life?

I’m throwing this out to the Internet to ask for advice. Have you done something like this in your life? How did it improve the person you are today? What are some things I would need to consider? What are some places I should consider (inexpensive so I can stay at least a year)? I don’t want to roam, I want an immersive adventure. What would I do with my dogs?!?!?!?

I don’t know if I can stretch this far, but it’s what feels right. It gives Luria freedom to not worry about me competing with what she does next. It gives me an opportunity to finish the novel, and I don’t think I will ever finish it without setting time aside to focus on it. This would cause me to grow in a way, I can’t fully anticipate until it happens.

If you’ve done something like this, I’d love to hear about it. If you know someone whose done something like this, I’d love to hear their story. If you’re uncomfortable leaving a comment, email me: neal [at] geekbrief dot com.

Right after we started GeekBrief.TV, we shot some video at a small boutique distillery just north of Chicago where a husband and wife made vodka and gin. The process was fascinating. We never used the footage because it seemed too far off topic for The Brief, but I often think about what I learned that day.

The distiller explained the process of turning water into a spirit. All kinds of ingredients are mixed into the water to add flavor (when it’s gin) and to innitiate fermentation. Through heat, purity is separated from impurity and alcohol is produced. Distillation is also used to purify crude oil and water.

I like distillation as a metaphor for personal growth in the midst of a trial. I’m going through the single most awful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life, but pain isn’t without gain. I’ve grown as a person though out this process in a ways I never would have with only good things happening to me. Romans 5:3-4 says, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character…”

My life, in just about every way I can think of is at a crossroads. I have dreams and goals to create something bigger and better than what we accomplished with GeekBrief.TV. I’ll need to find good people to work with, but first I need to take some time to go through this personal distillation process where everything that isn’t loving and caring in my life gets burned away. Another part of the personal distillation process has been to work toward the core reason I failed as a husband. That process has involved counseling, group therapy and study.

Pain in life gives us an opportunity and maybe even the responsibility to grow. It’s my mission to walk through this process and have people, even people who may not like me, say “Neal is a better person than he used to be.” The pastor at my church says when we are children, life is all about what we can get, “Give me, give me, give me.” With maturity, we stop just asking “What can I get?” and start asking “What can I give?” That second question is the one I want to spend the rest of my life answering.

I hope my story also reminds people to take care of their marriages. If it’s not working, get to work on it! Go to counseling. Go to church. Talk about it. Date your spouse. Look into each other’s eyes like you used too when you were falling in love. Don’t let your marriage die without working hard to heal it. Even though the growth that comes from the pain is good, you can always choose to grow when things aren’t so bad.

via BigistheNewSmall

This video isn’t in HD so it’s more fun to listen than to watch, but it’s our speech at Gnomedex in 2007. We kind of tell our New Media story and encourage anyone with an idea to “just start.”

Our littlest Chihuahua, Zoe can do more than she thinks she can. She’s about six inches tall, but when she stretches out her body, she’s about two feet long. To make it easier for our two little dogs to get on and off our bed, we built two stairs out of two six-inch thick cushions.  That gets our dogs six-inches from the top of the mattress. Sitting up on the bed, it looks like we created an easy journey from the hard wood floor to the cushy comforter on the bed.

From Zoe’s perspective, it doesn’t look so easy. That first step is as tall as she is. She can barely see the top and sometimes she’ll stand on the floor looking at that first step and start to doubt herself. Once she starts to doubt herself, she’ll start to whine. It’s kind of like praying. She’s crying out for outside help to overcome a problem that just seems way to big for her.

There are times when we’ll reach down and pull her up to cuddle, but more often we don’t. We know she can make it. We’ve seen her do it hundreds of times, and the path we created for her was all about making her journey easier. She just can’t see the big picture. All she sees is that big stair and she’s worried about it. She seems to have forgotten all those other times she jumped up without hesitation. I know she just has to stretch herself and put some energy into it and after a little whining, she eventually comes to the same conclusion.

Throughout my life, I’ve seen social situations as a huge obstacle. Connecting with people you want to know better seems so easy for other people, but for me? I really have to stretch myself and put some energy into to it. When I’m focused on how hard it seems, it’s easy to forget all the times in the past when I did what was required and it worked out great. I assume Zoe thinks she’s going to miss if she tries to take that jump, but the thing she fears almost never happens. Same thing with me in social situations. The things I fear almost never happen, and even when they do I survive and I end up a little smarter than before.

I wonder how many times in life we end up not doing something that could turn out great, just because that first step is all we’re looking at and it seems way too big and way too scary. In reality the path is not the big, old, bad challenge we fear. The pathway has probably been setup for us in a way that makes it possible for us to win. All we have to do is stretch ourselves and put some energy into it. I learned that from a Chihuahua!