I worked on things to fit what she said where her dreams. Modeling didn’t work because that business is just weird. She groked it and that business doesn’t like girl who grok it. We then started writing a book. Harry Potter was taking off and we started writing a book set in New Orleans with a flood threat that skidded to a halt with Katrina. My next thing was podcasting inspired by Dawn and Drew. The Crappy Christian Show quickly evolved from Luria and me getting drunk and talking into a mic into a ministry type thing to share the idea that God may love gay people just as they are, without any expectation they change. I didn’t want to be in ministry and Luria certainly didn’t.

Steve Jobs announced the first iPod that played video and I worked to make that iPod play GeekBrief.TV. That worked well. We started making money. Mevio was a great partner. Luria wanted more, and people in her life convinced her she was the character I wrote every day. Her belief that she was Cali Lewis grew into an argument that led her to leave our marriage.

I still want to be writing tech news as Cali Lewis and producing GeekBrief.TV. I don’t get that as an option, and I’ve come close to launching alternative visions. I almost released a gadget show yesterday.

Here’s the deal though … I don’t want to work on a next thing that is anything but temporary. My heart can’t currently believe in long term. I want to work, but I’m not ready to say, “This is the thing that replaces Cali Lewis and GeekBrief.TV for me.” Even my dreams for Bacon.TV in partnership with Wright Brand Bacon isn’t that powerful!

The Mayans predicted the world ends at the end of 2012. Obviously, that’s silly just like when that preacher dude did it twice in 2011. But you know what? So what! What will happen if I live this year like it’s not only my last year, but yours? That’s what I’m going to do.

Tomorrow I launch a temporary thing I can believe in and I think it will inspire you to do something better than you planned to do in 2012. It isn’t serious because I’m not ready to be serious. It’s just about fun.

I’ve lost my life goal of being married to a beautiful, smart, and kind girl. I’m not making that kind of goal again. To make it through. I want to live as though it’s not only my last year but yours too.

This video was my favorite Internet happening of 2011. I’ve been reading my friend’s status updates on Facebook and it makes me feel, about the Internet, the way Debbie feels about cats. I want to hug you all with rainbows in baskets!

My shero Dawn Miceli posted this and I concur…

Dear 2011,

I’m not even sure how to say this, its been so hard for so long. I don’t want to be with you anymore, there I said it. It just hasn’t been working out and I feel like I just need to get away from you. I am sure there were some good times but all I can remember right now are all the bad times, the horrible memories. You were a pretty shitty year and I am glad we are breaking up. I want to find a better year, one that will be fun and filled with good times. You just weren’t that year, it wasn’t in your nature and I know now no one could change you. Don’t text or call please, its better we never see each other again. I’m just gonna walk away and pretend this has been just one bad nightmare.

My 2012 resolution is to live this year with the idea that the Mayans were right about it being our last one. 2011 sucked for me. It was the worst year of my life. It’s uphill from here and it’s going to be fun … and there will be BACON!

No single person, living or dead has had a more important impact on my life than Steve Jobs. I’m just learning animation. This is my second one. I wanted to do something in memory of Steve Jobs. Some people like to listen to Linus quote Luke 2 on Christmas. I want to hear Steve Jobs toast The Crazy Ones who change things.

I uploaded in 1080p so watch full-screen.

The part of who I am that I want and need to change the most is my need to be comfortable. Being comfortable in every way possible has been my number one priority in every situation since I was a kid. That need for comfort results in other things I’d like to change.

The very last thing that seems natural for me to do, is sell everything that isn’t essential and go live in a different country for a year. I’m thinking that is exactly what I SHOULD do. We have an offer on our house that will hopefully result in a sale by the end of this month. We have Dave Ramsey inspired emergency funds, and I have a novel that is about 70% finished. What if I sold everything but my MacBook Pro, iPad and 5D Mark II and traveled somewhere exotic to learn a new language and culture? What if I did the thing I fear most and risk comfort in exchange for adventure? The desire to do a Big Trip is still in my soul, so why not make that my next thing in life?

I’m throwing this out to the Internet to ask for advice. Have you done something like this in your life? How did it improve the person you are today? What are some things I would need to consider? What are some places I should consider (inexpensive so I can stay at least a year)? I don’t want to roam, I want an immersive adventure. What would I do with my dogs?!?!?!?

I don’t know if I can stretch this far, but it’s what feels right. It gives Luria freedom to not worry about me competing with what she does next. It gives me an opportunity to finish the novel, and I don’t think I will ever finish it without setting time aside to focus on it. This would cause me to grow in a way, I can’t fully anticipate until it happens.

If you’ve done something like this, I’d love to hear about it. If you know someone whose done something like this, I’d love to hear their story. If you’re uncomfortable leaving a comment, email me: neal [at] geekbrief dot com.

The distiller explained the process of turning water into a spirit. All kinds of ingredients are mixed into the water to add flavor (when it’s gin) and to innitiate fermentation. Through heat, purity is separated from impurity and alcohol is produced. Distillation is also used to purify crude oil and water.

I like distillation as a metaphor for personal growth in the midst of a trial. I’m going through the single most awful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life, but pain isn’t without gain. I’ve grown as a person though out this process in a ways I never would have with only good things happening to me. Romans 5:3-4 says, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character…”

My life, in just about every way I can think of is at a crossroads. I have dreams and goals to create something bigger and better than what we accomplished with GeekBrief.TV. I’ll need to find good people to work with, but first I need to take some time to go through this personal distillation process where everything that isn’t loving and caring in my life gets burned away. Another part of the personal distillation process has been to work toward the core reason I failed as a husband. That process has involved counseling, group therapy and study.

Pain in life gives us an opportunity and maybe even the responsibility to grow. It’s my mission to walk through this process and have people, even people who may not like me, say “Neal is a better person than he used to be.” The pastor at my church says when we are children, life is all about what we can get, “Give me, give me, give me.” With maturity, we stop just asking “What can I get?” and start asking “What can I give?” That second question is the one I want to spend the rest of my life answering.

I hope my story also reminds people to take care of their marriages. If it’s not working, get to work on it! Go to counseling. Go to church. Talk about it. Date your spouse. Look into each other’s eyes like you used too when you were falling in love. Don’t let your marriage die without working hard to heal it. Even though the growth that comes from the pain is good, you can always choose to grow when things aren’t so bad.

via BigistheNewSmall

From Zoe’s perspective, it doesn’t look so easy. That first step is as tall as she is. She can barely see the top and sometimes she’ll stand on the floor looking at that first step and start to doubt herself. Once she starts to doubt herself, she’ll start to whine. It’s kind of like praying. She’s crying out for outside help to overcome a problem that just seems way to big for her.

There are times when we’ll reach down and pull her up to cuddle, but more often we don’t. We know she can make it. We’ve seen her do it hundreds of times, and the path we created for her was all about making her journey easier. She just can’t see the big picture. All she sees is that big stair and she’s worried about it. She seems to have forgotten all those other times she jumped up without hesitation. I know she just has to stretch herself and put some energy into it and after a little whining, she eventually comes to the same conclusion.

Throughout my life, I’ve seen social situations as a huge obstacle. Connecting with people you want to know better seems so easy for other people, but for me? I really have to stretch myself and put some energy into to it. When I’m focused on how hard it seems, it’s easy to forget all the times in the past when I did what was required and it worked out great. I assume Zoe thinks she’s going to miss if she tries to take that jump, but the thing she fears almost never happens. Same thing with me in social situations. The things I fear almost never happen, and even when they do I survive and I end up a little smarter than before.

I wonder how many times in life we end up not doing something that could turn out great, just because that first step is all we’re looking at and it seems way too big and way too scary. In reality the path is not the big, old, bad challenge we fear. The pathway has probably been setup for us in a way that makes it possible for us to win. All we have to do is stretch ourselves and put some energy into it. I learned that from a Chihuahua!