Buy the CD from Amazon, if you like it.

Unless something falls through, our house will be sold next week. I guess technically, I’ll be a little homeless while my wife and I wrap up details of the divorce and I prepare for what’s next.

I’m planning to put stuff in storage and rent some short-term apartment while I prepare to go on that writing trip I wrote about a little over a week ago.

I’m drawn to Eastern Europe and I hope that’s where I’ll end up. The first place I considered was Thailand, but Thailand is a hot place and I’m happier in cooler climates (but Thai food is so good!). After Thailand, I considered Estonia. Estonia is an intriguing place because it’s a country that cares about technology. It’s where Skype was created. As I drifted around the map, I started to really focus on Budapest, Hungary, and then a couple days ago, I learned about Dubrovnik, Croatia. If you don’t know about Dubrovnik, take a look at these images! My best friend in college was from Poland and he taught me how to say “She has nice face” and “She has nice breast” in Polish, so if I choose Polland, I have something to say when I get there.

Really, I don’t know where I should go and really I doubt it matters. Life isn’t about the destination, it’s about the journey.

This is a trip about stretching myself and doing things outside of my comfort zone. I don’t particularly enjoy going to the grocery store alone. Staying in a hotel alone is even less fun. The idea of going to a different country without Luria’s partnership is the single most scary thing I can imagine and that’s exactly WHY I have to do it. Doing things that scare me tends to be worth it in the end because I grow. I want to grow. I also want to write. The main purpose of this trip is to write a book and I registered what I think is a great domain, awaytowrite.com. While I’m away, I will produce a show or maybe more than one that I will publish through Mevio.

If you know anyone in Eastern Europe who could answer questions, I’d appreciate an introduction. My email address is neal at geekbrief dot com.

Last night the Tony Awards were on TV. I love live tweeting during award shows, but it’s inconsistant with the personal brand I need to build on Twitter. At the same time, it’s part of who I am, and I’ve gotten to interact with some really fun people, especially during the Oscars.

I was having a conversation with one of the coolest people on the planet and I had a thought I liked so much I tweeted it: “Broken people look for kindness wherever it’s available and share it whenever it’s possible.” @talasyn on twitter replied with two tweets: “I’ll have to disagree. Some broken people do. Other broken people only see the ugly in people. Those are the self-absorbed bkn” and “..cont… And pride is the wedge between broken and surrendered… Stupid pride. I hate you.”

Given my sensitivity, I assumed I had offended this guy. Since I’m leaning into pain, I DM’d him and asked him to email me. I told him I think I can learn from him, and if he hates me, I want to understand why. He did email me and explained that he wasn’t saying he hated me. He was saying he hated his “stupid pride.” He also said some very nice things about me being open about my struggle.

I could have assumed I made this guy mad for whatever reason, and now he hates me. I could have unfollowed him. Instead I asked him, and as a result, I found someone I’ll probably end up having a great meal with one day where we talk about life and God and who knows what else.

140 characters can get us in trouble online, but we don’t have to stay there. People are deep, and I’m learning to explore the depths rather than running away in offense. I can’t always do it. I won’t always do it, but I want to try.

The part of who I am that I want and need to change the most is my need to be comfortable. Being comfortable in every way possible has been my number one priority in every situation since I was a kid. That need for comfort results in other things I’d like to change.

The very last thing that seems natural for me to do, is sell everything that isn’t essential and go live in a different country for a year. I’m thinking that is exactly what I SHOULD do. We have an offer on our house that will hopefully result in a sale by the end of this month. We have Dave Ramsey inspired emergency funds, and I have a novel that is about 70% finished. What if I sold everything but my MacBook Pro, iPad and 5D Mark II and traveled somewhere exotic to learn a new language and culture? What if I did the thing I fear most and risk comfort in exchange for adventure? The desire to do a Big Trip is still in my soul, so why not make that my next thing in life?

I’m throwing this out to the Internet to ask for advice. Have you done something like this in your life? How did it improve the person you are today? What are some things I would need to consider? What are some places I should consider (inexpensive so I can stay at least a year)? I don’t want to roam, I want an immersive adventure. What would I do with my dogs?!?!?!?

I don’t know if I can stretch this far, but it’s what feels right. It gives Luria freedom to not worry about me competing with what she does next. It gives me an opportunity to finish the novel, and I don’t think I will ever finish it without setting time aside to focus on it. This would cause me to grow in a way, I can’t fully anticipate until it happens.

If you’ve done something like this, I’d love to hear about it. If you know someone whose done something like this, I’d love to hear their story. If you’re uncomfortable leaving a comment, email me: neal [at] geekbrief dot com.

If you’ve never heard about The Shack, the story of how the book came to be is just as interesting as the story in the book. Paul Young wrote it for his kids, printed some copies for friends who asked for more copies and more copies. Some guys in L.A. thought the story would make a good movie, if enough people bought the book, so they started a little publishing company. They kept selling out as word of mouth about The Shack spread. There are now 7 million copies in print. Last year alone 3.5 million copies were sold. A book can make the best seller list if 7,000 copies are sold. The Shack is a record breaker because people read it and buy copies for friends to read.

I read The Shack differently than I usually read a book. I read some, put the book down, thought about what I had read and then slept awhile. I did that over and over throughout the weekend. The process of making my way through The Shack was more like a conversation than a literary experience. There were times I couldn’t read any further because all I could do is cry and it seems like the book’s intention was to make that okay. When Mack meets God in The Shack, Mack starts to cry too. God said to him, “It’s okay honey, you can let it all out … I know you’ve been hurt, and I know you’re angry and confused. So, go ahead and let it out. It does a soul good to let the waters run once in a while–the healing waters.”

Growing up, my beliefs about God were so strong. I was a fundamentalist and I had confidence in what I knew to be true about God. Today, I can’t imagine having that kind of certainty again. I wouldn’t want that kind of certainty again. Once we know for sure, we stop investigating and that’s never a good thing.

I don’t have much interest in converting people so they think what I think about God. I don’t want to settle into a set of beliefs that make me comfortable and crusty. I’m intensely focused on this journey of personal transformation and working my way through The Shack this weekend healed and simplified what it means to me to trust in God. I hear it’s done the same thing for thousands of people who once believed, but lost hope as life happened in not so pleasant ways.

The theologeans can argue about it, but the story told in The Shack works for people who need it to work and I think that’s good enough.

From 2005 to 2008, my heart and mind were focused on GeekBrief.TV. That show was all about faith, hope and expectation. For the first time in my life, I truly believed I could make something valuable out of nothing more than what my mind could invent. Watching a dream turn into reality was powerful and motivational and it lead me to dream other dreams. I had the idea for The Big Trip, a dream where we would take the show on the road and travel to all 50 states in an RV or bus. When we were ready to buy the Big Trip vehicle, the economic crises was starting. Had we tried to purchase the vehicle sooner, we would have been able to get a mortgage for a bus just like on a house, but by the time we were ready, banks weren’t taking the same risks. As the dream of doing the Big Trip started to go down in flames, my focus shifted from faith to fear. I call it, “Going all Glen Beck.” I started worrying about the country. I started worrying about my future with my wife. I didn’t sleep well and the joy that was in my life gave way to misery and worry. If you followed me on Twitter during that time, you saw me collapse.

Dogs don’t bite because they’re mean. They bite when they’re scared. I’m like that too.

At Blogworld 2009, Chris Brogan said something like, “Be nice or get off the Internet.” That started to change my life, but changing one’s life is like turning a big ship. It takes some time to shift the momentum and that takes us back to that idea of where my laser is pointed. When my laser was pointed in the direction of fear about Obama and socialism, I did more damage to my soul than Obama and socialism ever could do to my bank account. When my wife left, the stuff happening in D.C. became irrelevant in my life.

Chris Brogan’s speech at Blogworld helped me to start to turn the ship, but I couldn’t turn it fast enough to save my marriage. My wife is filled with hope and optimism and living with my despair made her miserable and it isn’t something I can salvage because I’m alone in wanting to fix it.

It’s sad, but it’s a cautionary tale that I hope will end up strengthening other people’s marriages. If your life is filled with worry, doubt and fear, your life is going to crash. I believe in God and I believe God is a good Papa who wants good things for His kids. You may not have to believe in God to be optimistic. I do. Faith, hope and love will bring good things into your life. Fear, doubt and anger will bring bad things. It is just about the same as driving the Titanic in the general direction of an iceberg. We’ve all seen the movie. It doesn’t end well.

It’s very difficult to change who we are, but it’s rather simple to change how we are. It’s just a matter of changing our focus. I’m seeing it happen in my life. I’m experiencing joy and peace that I haven’t had for years and it’s simply because I slowly started turning the ship from a focus on fear toward a focus on faith, and not just faith in God, faith that tomorrow will be better than yesterday.

The distiller explained the process of turning water into a spirit. All kinds of ingredients are mixed into the water to add flavor (when it’s gin) and to innitiate fermentation. Through heat, purity is separated from impurity and alcohol is produced. Distillation is also used to purify crude oil and water.

I like distillation as a metaphor for personal growth in the midst of a trial. I’m going through the single most awful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life, but pain isn’t without gain. I’ve grown as a person though out this process in a ways I never would have with only good things happening to me. Romans 5:3-4 says, “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character…”

My life, in just about every way I can think of is at a crossroads. I have dreams and goals to create something bigger and better than what we accomplished with GeekBrief.TV. I’ll need to find good people to work with, but first I need to take some time to go through this personal distillation process where everything that isn’t loving and caring in my life gets burned away. Another part of the personal distillation process has been to work toward the core reason I failed as a husband. That process has involved counseling, group therapy and study.

Pain in life gives us an opportunity and maybe even the responsibility to grow. It’s my mission to walk through this process and have people, even people who may not like me, say “Neal is a better person than he used to be.” The pastor at my church says when we are children, life is all about what we can get, “Give me, give me, give me.” With maturity, we stop just asking “What can I get?” and start asking “What can I give?” That second question is the one I want to spend the rest of my life answering.

I hope my story also reminds people to take care of their marriages. If it’s not working, get to work on it! Go to counseling. Go to church. Talk about it. Date your spouse. Look into each other’s eyes like you used too when you were falling in love. Don’t let your marriage die without working hard to heal it. Even though the growth that comes from the pain is good, you can always choose to grow when things aren’t so bad.

We recognized some really good strategies that can be replicated, and I’m now applying what we learned from building Cali’s brand to my personal brand. One of the things we did to grow her followers was to give things away. We didn’t do it often, but it was effective when we did. Scott Bourne is the king of using give-aways to grow his influence on Twitter, and I recommend studying what he does if it’s something you want to try.

Some people are only on Twitter to enter contests
This may not be shocking to anyone but me, but I was shocked to learn some people are only on Twitter to enter contests. They follow people to enter and Re-Tweet entries over and over again. I had an interaction with one woman who was working to make it as an assistant director in Hollywood. I asked her why she isn’t using Twitter to develop a personal brand. Her answer was she hadn’t thought to use Twitter like that. If she tweeted about her life as a struggling assistant director, it very well could be fascinating and who knows what that could lead to? I’m sure something more valuable than a chance iPad.

People are on Twitter for whatever reason it makes sense to them. Some of us are there for friends. Some of us are there for news and information. Some of us are there to market, and I guess some of us are there to win things. Almost once a day, someone told me they followed me for a chance to win the iPad, but they were glad they did because they got value from the information I share on Twitter. I learned that just because a person only tweets to enter a contest, it doesn’t mean they aren’t paying attention to who they’re following. It isn’t a two-way conversation for most of them, but ultimately if they weren’t interested in what I tweeted, they unfollowed when the contest ended.

A few people get mad if they don’t win
Every time we’ve given something away through Twitter or GeekBrief.TV, a few people have gotten upset with us after not winning. It isn’t something I really understand, but it’s good to prepare yourself for it so you’re not caught off guard. I try to respond sympathetically. My wish for every person who likes me or hates me is that they should have an iPad, so I’m disappointed for the people who didn’t win. The old commercial was about buying the world a Coke and everyone living in harmony. That sums up how I feel about iPads.

twitRand is limited by the Twitter API
twitRand is the best way I’ve found to pick a random follower, but the Twitter API has limitations that keep twitRand from being a perfect solution. From what I understand the best solution would involve sucking all the tweeted entries into a database and selecting from that. I had a conversation with someone after the contest ended and he might build something that does just that. I would pay a fee to a company that handles entries and insures the process is as fair as technically possible. I learned about tweetaways.com after the fact and that might have been the best solution, but at the time I announce the give away, twitRand was all I found.

Re-tweets work, but are they worth it?
Since I made the mistake of not developing my personal brand at the same time I worked on the Cali brand, I’ve had to correct that quickly. I’m still working on it and have a long way to go!

I don’t like the idea of contributing to noise on Twitter so I had to compromise THAT value in order to kickstart my personal branding campaign. Having people retweet my brand helped me increase my Twitter stats, but I’m sure it annoyed people too. One guy was so annoyed he created a parody twitter account and followed people who were following me. Some thought it was me. Ultimately, he made it clear he isn’t me and was just having fun at my expense and I can definitely live with that.

The biggest problem with the re-tweets is that I fear they’ll never end even though @TheNobber already one the iPad. Lots of people re-tweeted the links without ever going to Neal.TV to learn the details about the contest. All-in-all there were just over 6,000 tweets referencing Neal.TV during the time of the contest. Only a small number of people continue to tweet the link, but it could conceivable continue for a long, long time. Maybe I’ll start DMing them one at a time to let them know.

Overall, I’m happy with the results. There are things I would do different next time, but I can’t say the negatives outweigh the positives. After the contest ended, I lost about 150 followers and now the number is slowly growing again. The contest increased my numbers by almost 4000. Numbers in social media, when you’re doing it right, are about influence and credibility. My hope is that I either add value to people’s lives when I tweet, or that I make people smile by linking to something funny. My previous mission was to do whatever it took to help Cali succeed. I hope my new mission can be to help lots of other people succeed in using Web video to enhance their brands, and maybe I can continue to win along the way too.